Happy Birthday Kelly!

Oh my friend, I miss you so. 28. It was a good year for me. I hope it is as good for you. I love that you sent me your father's words of wisdom and I want to share them here:

This is freestyle, maybe stream of consciousness, so don’t work too hard to provide order where it may not exist.

1. I stick by my original statement: do not have children with someone who is crazy. Choose your mate carefully. Someone who is good for you, not someone you must change or “save,” and someone who curls your toes.

When you do find love fight with all of your might to hold on to it. Ours is a culture that does not value perseverance. That is a mistake. What makes people think that the next marriage will be better over time? After the initial chemical rush of infatuation fades, wait for the secondary hormonal effect that makes you comfortable in your mate’s presence and less comfortable in his absence. Only give up if the secondary hormonal effect is too weak or your mate stops trying.

If you have kids, you have to put their welfare above your own, but part of their welfare is the model of a happy parent.

Kids are unbelievably wonderful but often very hard. They are not for everyone. You, however, will be a great mom should you choose that route. So think about it seriously once you have found a worthy mate. I trust that you are giving that the matter the consideration it deserves and have someone with whom you can discuss it openly. I am available for this purpose but I know that your father may not be the best person for you here.

Women in romantic relationships don’t fight fair – but that is not something that you need to worry about. I think that this is less true of you than the women I have known, but I will urge you to continue to be forthright and to be considerate of men when the urge to manipulate becomes strong.

Always be truthful, to yourself especially, and especially in matters of the heart. Do not deceive yourself about what you see or feel.

2. I agree with Jung that the only real purpose to life is to come to know yourself. Yours is a combination of genes and experiences unique to human experience. You need to let the world know what your combination sees, feels, hears, and thinks. But you have to be honest about who you are and not copy someone you have seen or heard about. As Laertes says, “To thine own self be true.” (Read Jung’s autobiography Memories, Dreams, and Reflections – best title ever – if you want a bizarre but interesting investigation of this idea. Jung was perhaps the strangest of rangers.)

An addendum that Jung neglected to add is, “Do no harm to others.” In fact, try to be good to everyone you encounter. Good is ultimately stronger than evil, but not by much, and it needs all the help that it can get.

Face any psychological issues that you have immediately and honestly. They grow stronger but less accessible as years pass. Insist that your prospective mate do the same. Consider doing some of it together. Expectations about marriage may not manifest until after the fact.

Watch out for family histories of addictive tendencies: gambling, shopping, work, sex, alcohol, chemicals, etc. These can sneak up on you and wreak havoc. Do not be dismissive of symptoms.

Humans can be broken, mostly before they are 3. Don’t get mixed up with a broken one – they have no consciences and cannot be changed

3. Life is a tightrope, easy to fall off, so don’t take it for granted. PAY ATTENTION to what you experience.

Don’t waste time, energy, or emotion on anger or bitterness.

Revel in the wonder of being 28: independent, in good health, vigorous, unencumbered, fit, passionate, with potential and possibilities abounding. Put away pressure and stress. Have as many exciting experiences as you can fit into your life – it gets harder to do as the years pass.

4. Somewhat metaphysical/scientific musings:

The universe is unthinkably old. (13.5 billion is not something our minds can absorb)

The universe is unthinkably big. (186,000 mps X 13.5 billion years X 2 is even less conceivable)

We live on a minor planet circling a minor star that is one of hundreds of billions of stars in a galaxy that is one of hundreds of billions of galaxies.

There is no sign of a consciousness that is concerned for the fate of individuals. (Humans, as most species, are designed for multiple birth events per female so a few of the many may survive)

There is no sign of a consciousness that is concerned for the fate of species. (Over 99% of all species that have ever existed on this planet are now extinct.)

There is no sign of a consciousness that is concerned for the fate of planets.

There is no sign of a consciousness that is concerned for the fate of solar systems.

There is no sign of a consciousness that is concerned for the fate of galaxies. (Ours will collide with Andromeda eventually and most stars will be torn apart or explode as the black holes at the centers of the galaxies merge.)

The galaxies are grouped in clusters that are speeding up as they move away from each other making the likely end of the universe completely dark with lifeless cinders moving continually away from each other

Either something always was or there was a time of nothing and then there came to be something. What was before the Big Bang & where did the stuff that exploded come from?

My mind cannot deal with such concepts, so, without any evidence for a personal god who is aware of my existence, my own experience says:

• All humans are essentially the same so treat them all well.
  
• There is a race between science’s ability to aid nature in producing what humans need and the number of humans alive on the planet. Since the ones who are already alive are destroying much of everything else, birth control worldwide seems essential.
  
• Life is a treasure made beautiful with love, health, and material comfort so be aware of each moment as you seek and spread love wherever and whenever you can.
  

Perhaps the Buddha was correct and what we should seek is an end to suffering by an end to attachment which comes through absolute awareness of all that is in a given moment.

So try not to hurt anyone, try to become aware of the truth of yourself and all that exists with you, be happy, find and spread love.

That’s about it.

Happy Birthday
Dad

Thank you for sharing this with me Kell. This will give some people something to chew on, I know it did me.  

Happy Birthday my Best Friend.  LOVE YOU!!!!